i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
