bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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