she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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