Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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