You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
