Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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