Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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