i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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