In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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