im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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