you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
