she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
