The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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