Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
