So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
