she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
