People with herpes should wear stickers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
