Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
