Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
