Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
