You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
