Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
