You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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