I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
