I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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