He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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