you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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