I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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