It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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