i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
