RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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