You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
