do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
