As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Terrible idea I love it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
