I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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