you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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