We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize