THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
