you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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