Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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