I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
