I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
