why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
