we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
