If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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