someone get that fucking seahorse.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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