hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
