Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
