sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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