You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize