he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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