my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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