i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
