I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
