Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
