I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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