Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
