I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
