Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
