Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
