I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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