At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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